so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
