Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
