I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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