he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
