when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
you made out with another girl for some wings
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
