absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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