somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
