just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
