I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
