Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
