Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize