I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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