Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
