He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
