Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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