No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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