that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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