After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
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Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
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Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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