I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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