Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
