every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
