the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
