bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
