Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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