i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
