you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I need a burrito and a hug.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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