dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
