brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
