i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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