ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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