Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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