You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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