I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
