how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
