Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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