omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
