I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
