break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
