This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
sarcasm needs its own font
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
