dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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