capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
