guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
