I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
