That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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