Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
