Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
