Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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