I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
