It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
