Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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