thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
