Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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