The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
