Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
