That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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