I got chris browned last night
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
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I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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