Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
