she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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