Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
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just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
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I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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