well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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