what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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